Saturday, June 06, 2009

The Conduit XXXL-Test

Your name: Michael Ford. Your mission: Finding the cause of the assault on the White House by an alien race named "The Drudge".

Well, things get wacky: A phenomenal, but weird incident occurred on the grounds of the White House. Mr. John Adams, the leader and founder of the mysterious umbrella-corporation called The Truth finds out that the home of the president was attacked by a fiend, the alien race The Drudge. Michael Ford gets on the track of the origin of the alien-attacks. He will not get the answer that he was quiet looking for, but he will find it...

Ok, ok...this kind of sounds like a early nineties action-flick á la Independence Day, but the question with the highest priority is: What will Ford find in the White House? George Bush's unreleased love poems? Terrorists? Moving boxes of Barack Obama? A Mondeo, Ka, or even Focus? Let`s find out !

The story of The Conduit isn`t too original and innovative, but the plain mission-briefings have one advantage toward longer ones: You don`t have to wait too long for busting the crap out of mean terrorist-aliens. The game begin pretty turbulent in a floodgate-area. Admittedly, the first enemies are already attacking - aliens, looking familiar to the creatures of the Metroid planet Zebes - but the actual game begins after you pick up the most innovative and important item in the game: The All-Seeing Eye (ASE). This useful gadget, which can be accessed by simply pressing the "+"-button, will help you find mines, secret weapon deposits, or hack the computer-secured door.

The mixture out of action and "search 'n find" worked pretty good. Nor does the gameplay-speed get reduced, neither does the intelligence-factor sink. There aren't too many mission-objectives, but the correct usage of the ASE and the weapons are fun enough. The hacking into other computer terminals is really fun and exciting, just like in real life [not that I hack ;)] .

Another mentionable thing are the good controls. Almost every parameter is adjustable: The aim- and movement zone (every single pixel), the transparency of the energy-bars, even the position of the TV-screen. Even the rattling of the Nunchuck while throwing the good ol' 'nades. You can decide if you want to jerkily throw the grenade, or gently & fluently. After adjusting a while, all the grenades really went to the direction they were meant to go, which is a big plus. And the usage of the All-Seeing Eye becomes ingrained after a while. Kill a enemy here, switch to the ASE mode, inspect the wall, and voilá! You found a mini-game hidden in the wall, in which fragments of a semi-circle have to be arranged through the digi-pad. After succeeding, a concrete barrier magically opens itself, and there you go: You`ve just found a room full of weapons, power-ups, and ammunition. And believe me, looking after these rooms are always as profitable as you want it to be. The mini-games get harder and harder as you proceed towards the end of the game, and the mini-games in the final and last level, the 9th, really need you to activate your mechanic brain, literally sending the dust out of your rarely-used gamer head...wait a sec, didn't I use that joke before?...whatever.

Well, I have a critic-point though: At the beginning of the game, the enemies seem to be pretty smart, but afterward (mostly at the middle of the game), the aliens just brainlessly attack you. The termites and the insects are also really dumbheaded, but quantitatively they are predominant. So, you my friend, will have to use your brain. The developers High Voltage Software are aware of this fact, but these smart fellas kind of outsmarted the problem: Seldom does a minute pass away without you keeping on the run.

My favorite level , the Washington D.C level is really ace at dramaturgy, awesomeness and epicness (yes, that word actually exists). At some point of the level you will be confronted by a brute of fat greaseball (no, not George Dabbeliu's scotch-terrier). Ok, a real easy situation to master: Just throw a grenade at the conduit where the kids get born and disable any further breeding. But, there! Another enemy is lurking up from behind. Immediately you strike the down button of the d-pad and execute a 180° rotation. Press the B-button, and the aggressor is history from now on. Peng, peng, two further grenades neutralize the other conduits. Then you carefully look around you...realizing that really nobody or nothing is to be found. You proceed to the next room, and are warmly welcomed by the alien reception committee, only trying to set a end to your miserable pixel alter-ego. But that's another long story...

The game-time of approximately 9 hours ( I finished in 8 hours 14 minutes), which is a nice playing-duration, things get really tense: The online mode! With over a dozen modes, you are happily going to be noobing pwns all day long: From a traditional deathmatch to a bounty-hunter mode, from a round of ASE soccer (the longest ownership of the ASE wins) to a Kill-A-Thon, from a Capture The ASE to a quick Team Dathmatch (yes Dathmatch, as described by nobos!!!1!), from a Last-Man Standing to a round of Killing Override, everything's inside. And I think that that is a a good excuse for no split-screen mode. No lags, a consistent FPS rate, and even Wii-Speak voicechat function. YEAH! Buy it, buy it, buy it!!!!!1!!!1!!!1!!!

Thursday, June 04, 2009

Forgotten Games: Namco Smash Tennis for SNES

One of my new games (see post below) is called Namco Smash Tennis, but not Smash Tennis Court, which is a popular game released on the PSX. It must be pretty rare, since the only hits on Google were eBay auctions and 2 cheating sites, so maybe this is my personal goldmine...I am a passionate tennis player myself, so let's review this sucker.

Well, after the title screen shows up, I have 3 options. (A) Exhibition, (B) Tournament, or (C) Options. Well, there isn't really much selection here, but what do you expect from a game made in the early mid-nineties. So after I chose Exhibition, all the combination were available, from 1P-2P vs. 3P-COM to P1-COM vs. P2-COM. Then, you can choose the court you want. I would recommend shrine, since the bounce here is elegantly low, which accomplishes a higher rally. After choosing your name, I am surprised how many different strokes can be executed. I found out following: forehand, backhand, volley, smash, lob, forehand slice, backhand slice and last but not least a underspin (yes, underspin is rarely used in tennis, rather in table tennis). By the way, you can try out a underspin by finding a table-tennis ball and tapping it with great pressure. Great ingame-depth can be accomplished due to the great variety, but the best thing is yet to be mentioned: Strategy. This resembles a real tennis game (just without the ball-stroking) very good. You could try slicing near the net, bait the opponent towards the net in order to lob upon him (a high ball is called lob), causing confusion with the underspin, or just play without a mind, which often works. This game is HIGHLY addictive, I must say. I finished the tournament mode after 3 1/2 hours, and I must say that it really was fun. Another thing I must say: During gameplay, the atmosphere is really intense, just like before a summer-storm (yeah, I am poetic sometimes...). Everybody seems to be concentrated, and seldom a cheer can be heard, rewarding the awesomeness of the appropriate player. It really is similar to the kick while playing with high rally during a real-match of tennis (Rally is a tennis-term regarding the transfer of the ball from side to side without a significantly dominant opponent, since a player must block the balls the other one is striking and try to strike on his own), which is really good. I bet if this game would be slightly more popular, it would revolutionize tennis-games as we know it. The sound is really decent, and the graphics look pretty. The audiovisual components really do their job good. I would say that this is the best retro tennis simulation that I have seen so far, maybe even the best tennis-simulation (By the way: Mario Tennis is tennis arcade-style). So if you have the chance, go buy it on eBay or any other retailer-site. And if you are a cheapskate, go torrent it. And now a screenshot from the grande finale:

Wednesday, June 03, 2009

Yeah! New SNES games!

Since this month is themed SNES-month, I bought me an US & Japanese-version of the SNES. Now I have the PAL, JAP, and US version of the SNES. Additionally, I bought following games from my collector friend AND got a few games for free :D

Here are the games:

- Shadow Of The Beast
- Shadow Run (for 6 Euros, pretty cheap xD)
- Rock&Roll Racing (had the game once, but it broke)
- Ogre Battle Tactics
- Mrs. Pacman
- Lufia II (US-Version)
- Illusion Of Gaia
- Super Puyo Puyo
- Terranigma (always wanted it xD)
- Seikendensetsu III (bought it for 30 Euro, price on the internet was like 81€)
- Super Bikkuriman

and a few more.

The original price of the games that I bought were like 350 Euro. I got everything for 188 Euro, since I only bought games that he owned twice :D

So, now I have 384 SNES games, 83 Sega Mega Drive/Genesis Games, 130 NES games, 13 Neo-Geo games (REALLY expensive), 39 Gameboy/Gameboy Colo(u)r games, 32 GBA/GBA SP games, 13 GameCube games, 16 Wii games, 21 PSone games, 43 PS2 and 64 N64 games(well, actually 65, but crap on the one game). My goal was it to reach like 64 Nintendo 64 games, but last month I found a game in my room, so 65 xD

GTA: Chinatown Wars (DS) Cheats and Tips

L,L,R,B,B,A,A,R Bullet-proof vest
L,L,R,A,A,B,B,R Full health
Up,down,left,right,B,Y,R,L Storm
Up,down,left,right, A,X,R,L Heavy rainfall
Up,down,left,right, Y,A,L,R Rain
Up,down,left,right, A,B,L,R Sunshine
R,X,X,Y,Y,R,L,L Wanted-level goes higher
L,L,R,Y,Y,X,X,R Wanted-level goes lower
R,up,B,down,left,R,B,right Weapon pack No.1 with grenade, baton, pistol
minigun, assault rifle, micro-SMG, sawed-off shotgun
R,up,A,down,left,R,A,right Weapon pack No.2 with Molotov, taser, double-pistol
flamethrower, carbine, SMG, shotgun
R,up,Y,down,left,R,Y,right Weapon pack No.3 with mines, chainsaw, revolver, flamethrower
carbine, SMG, shotgun
R,up,X,down,left,R,X,right Weapon pack No.4 with blend grenades, baseball bat, pistol,
rocket launcher, carbine, micro-SMG, sawed-off shotgun

Best Vehicles in GTA :Chinatown Wars are written in yellow.


  • 500 XLR8
  • Banshee
  • Comet
  • Cityscape
  • Hellenbach
  • Infernus
  • MK GT9
  • Resolution X
  • Sabre GT
  • Style SR
  • Sultan
  • Turismo


  • Buccaneer
  • Chavos
  • Cognescenti
  • Ingot
  • Perennial
  • Peyote


  • Admiral
  • Stretch-Limo


  • Cabbie
  • Taxi


  • Bullet-proof Patriot
  • Patriot


  • Bobcat
  • Cavalcade FXT
  • Contender


  • Burrito


  • Flatbed
  • Tanker
  • Yankee

Emergency vehicles:

  • N.O.O.S.E. Enforcer
  • Feuerwehrwagen
  • Krankenwagen
  • Rhino
  • Streifenwagen


  • Baggage Handler
  • Gokart
  • Formula R
  • Leichenwagen
  • Bulldozer


  • Angel
  • Chopper
  • NRG-900
  • Sanchez


  • Cruiser
  • Dinghy
  • Jetmax
  • Reefer
  • Speeder
  • Wet Ski

The UN-Building can actually be found on the big western island. The American, Italian, European and the Irish flag can be seen, and a flag that has strong similarities towards the original UN-flag. Additionally, a statue with open-arms can be found.


Pisswasser (which is the correct German way to write it nowadays) means urine, or literally piss-water. A advertisement can be found where a women drinks this. This is not a prank on the beer-loving Germans, rather on the popular beer brand Budweiser.

Here be dragons!:

If you get a boot (not a wet-ski) and go to the southwest corner of the map, you will see a map reading "Here Be Dragons!", probably because you`re at the butt of the world.

Atomic waste:

In the far south of Broker, you should see two footbridges looking like crosses. If you go farther, you will see tons of atomic waste.

Tuesday, June 02, 2009

4 easy Tips to Help You Be A Hardcore Gamer & A Definition Of Hardcore Gaming

Hi there!

I will present you 4 tips that will help you be accepted as a hardcore gamer by the mass-community. First of all, let's define the word "hardcore-gamer". A "hardcore-gamer" is the exact opposite of a "casual-gamer". We hardcore gamers prefer playing video games instead of "normal" hobbies and differ to "normal gamers" because of the obvious fact that normal-gamers only play once in a while for entertainment. It also could be stereotypically called a "game-addict", which is a very extreme term. I will write an article about game addicts sooner, but hardcore gamers aren't really addicted, just fascinated of the work of our fellow developers and publishers.

We hardcore gamers also play approximately 100 games per year, which causes a section of the hardcore community being real bad mothaf***erz who copy, share, and download games. These so called "gamers" just destroy the gaming publishers ability to buy an all-inclusive trip to Monté Carlo, which is as bad as stealing a diamond, killing a person, decapitate a head, or even steal 2 diamonds. So big bad pirates, please leave us hardcore gamerz alone.

Our community is emotionally driven by playing games, and we can't stop it. But it is NOT an addiction (mostly), because this love towards an art is controlled and wanted. And the most significant attribute pwned [sic] is a great technical knowledge, easily adapting the current skillz [sic] to another game, noobing pwns, and u$!ñg !ñt3rñ3t $l4ñg !ñ ©0mm0ñd4¥ v0©4bul4r¥ b¥ $3ñ$3l3$ 4ñd br4!ñl3$ w0rd$ $u©H 4$ LoL, wH!©H H4$ b33ñ 0v3ru$3d b¥ t33ñ$ l!K!ñg r4p 4ñd bur¥!ñg tH3m$3lv3$ !ñ$!d3 t33ñ-3m4g$ !ñ tH3 p3rv-3©t!0ñ. Ult!m4t3l¥, !t !$ 0ñl¥ 4 0v3ru$3d l4b3l.

So, enough with the definition, lets get started!

1. First of all, consider br0w$!ñg g4m!ñg w3b$!t3$ such as GameSpot, ScrewAttack, 1Up, or even Gamesfurk to soak up our creepy nerdiness. Wikipedia is also a great source for nerdiness, but the finding of the information is too easy and too short for getting the nerd-mentality.
2. Second of all, pl@¥ @ H@Rd©0R3g@m3!!! Dont consider playing Halo or something like that, play good old Super Mario World, Doom, Sonic The Hedgehog, and Super Hang-On. Not that I dislike games such as Halo, it`s just that you can train almost everything by playing a good ol' classic. Please try to own the actual console, you can get the greatest console of all time, the Super Nintendo Entertainment System (SNES) for 6.00$ and up. Emulators such as ZNES will never transfer the real feeling. Try playing newer games such as Counter-Strike 1.6, Halo, Jak 2 or 3, Command & Conquer etc. later on.

3. d0ñ't ru$H !t. Nerdiness is something that comes naturally and that you can't force. If you fail, just give it up. It's something you're born with, just like with a beard which is only the secret-hiding place of Chuck Norris' iron fist. Yeah, irony at it's best.

4. R34d gr34t g4m!ñg l!t3r4tur3. There are many great gaming books out there such as "The Ultimate History Of Video Games: Pong to Pokémon" or "Masters Of Doom" .

Ultimately, it is just a overused label. But only the will and the passionate love towards video games will help you succeed on your way, my fellow student. Thee must treat a game like a women: Smooth and easy. You gotta make the chemistry between you and the game interact. You gotta make love, not Counter-Strike. You gotta strike to the beat. You gotta be the very best, like no one ever was. You have got to pay a homage to 3 things in a few sentences that can only be found by South-Park viewers, Pokèmon geeks, and a Cuban revolutionist who has the best website of the whole universe.

I will continue sooner or later, once I fix a few bugs on my TeamSpeak Server, my TeeWorlds server, and my blog...Sayonara!

C.-F.U.N. presents: "Did you know...?"s of Gaming

C.-F.U.N. here! Yeah, you might ask yourself who C.-F.U.N. is. Well, I am pronounced Captain Fun, which stands for Captain-Falcon's Useless Nowledge (Nobody wants C.-F.U.K, well almost...) ! I will tell you 10 interesting "Did you know...?"s of gaming. And to all the people out there, if you were aware of one fact, you are a nerd! Congratulations ! Now that I executed my celebratory falcon-punch, let's show our moves (Damn, I really hope you understand my bad-jokes...) !!!


1: The d-pad of the GameBoy Advance is identical to the Nintendo GameCube directional-pad.
2: Battalion Wars originally had the working title Advance Wars: Under Fire. Just before release-launch, Nintendo changed the named, probably due to reasons of quality-protection of the Advance Wars-brand.
3: Shigeru Miyamoto went to Germany to be inspired for The Legend Of Zelda: Ocarina of Time. To be exact, he went to Rothenburg Ob Der Tauber.
4: Monster Games, the developers of Excite Truck, only produced racing-games since 1998. And to be exact, they only produced games for 4 series since then.
5: Mega Man 1 is the only regular Mega Man game where a points are counted.
6: It also is the only installment of the series that only has 6 robot-masters.
7: Mr. Wright from Sim City for the Super Nintendo had a guest-appearance in the game Zelda: Link's Awakening. He wrote a love-letter to Christine to that village with the animals...ugh.....
8: Dean Scott, the producer of Overlord: Dark Legend for the Wii, was formerly an editor at the British Official Nintendo Magazine.
9: Solid Snake, star of the Metal Gear Solid-series and a newcomer in Super Smash Bros: Brawl, had an appearance for DreamMix TV: World Fighters for the PS2 and GameCube, but only in the japenes version. The game was very similar to the SSB-series (which is often consired a "great-ripoff") including Bomberman and Simon Belmont.
10: John Stocker synchronised Toad in one of my favorite-cartoon called Super Mario World. He also synched Allan Thompson in the "The Adventures of Tintin" movie.

Damn, this is SO nerdy....

Monday, June 01, 2009

Divided Opinions: Wolfenstein 3D Review For SNES

Divided Opinions: Wolfenstein 3D for SNES

Now first of all, we are talking about the US version of Wolfenstein 3D for the Super Nintendo Entertainment System. This is the only version I have besides the censored German version (Note: I live in Germany), where the enemies aren't Nazis and the end boss is called Heinrich, which is a ordinary German name. I never had the experience to own this game for PC, but I could play it a few times. Most of the people reading this will ask themselves why the word "Divided Opinions" is in the title...we will come to that later.

I just want to put a big note here before I start the review:

Things are getting complicated now: In the original Personal Computer version, you will have to take the fight against German Nationalists (long for Nazis). But the SNES version doesn't really tell you if you are fighting against Nazis or not, because all references and similarities were mostly censored. For example, Adolf Hitler (which I will call Adi or Adolfo in this review) was originally one of the bosses of one stage. But here he was moved to the last stage with his name changed to "Stadtmeister" (literally meaning "City-Master") or Heinrich in some versions, his mustache removed, and almost all visible or heard references removed, for example the removal of swastikas (I hope you noticed that almost every room is a swastika!) and the attacking dogs (which were replaced by mutant rats).

Some groups wouldn't really like this references, but couldn't there be any option of fighting against Nazis or not, or even two different games?! I still don't understand why some games with controversial features don't release one version with it and one version with out it, since those interested for the version with it can get it easily mostly because of age, and the people not interested for it can just buy the censored version. But after all, you will just have to use your imagination.

So let's start the review!

Story: 7/10

Actually, there isn't a story at all. It is this particular "action movie plot", which is just there in order to have a (more or less) legit reason the kick Nazi butt. But this game is just the type of game where you can turn on the off-switch which is located in your rarely used gamer-brain. Just like any lightshooter or a good old episode of "Walker, Texas Ranger". Yeah, Chuck Norris FTW! I don't think I will have to do a plot synopsis. since the only plot twist is that the 2nd enemy wants to create chemical weapons....

Music: 3/10

...just a loop of crap ALL the time....the sound effects were censored (see Differences Between The PC and The SNES Version)....and the sound effects barely even classify as SNES-worthy...

Graphics: 5/10

Damn man...the fake 3D graphics are just horrendous. Now don't tell me that this game was released earlier and it looks good for it's time. IT DOESN'T. The animation is sloppy and the overall look is just bullcrap. Now please don't think that I am the type of PS3 fanboy (or Sega Genesis/Mega Drive) who's only pro-argument are the graphics. The graphics are rather meh, just like a back of a Gumba: It isn't beautiful, but it gets the job done.

Controllz: 8/10

Nothin' bad here.

Gameplay: 6/10

The levels are pretty simple, its just a maze with a few rooms. You could try getting a high-score by finding secrets and items and/or finding (killing to be exact) all enemies. Thats really all there is. It gets boring and repetitive as the game goes on, there isn't really much variety or depth to it. Speed-Runs could be exciting...and a complaint are the amount of levels (too many and too few, see Differences Between The PC and The SNES Version) etc. But it gets interesting enough to keep you playing it 'til the end.

Differences between The PC And The SneS version

The guards yell "STOP!" or "HALT!" instead of "ACHTUNG!" or "SPION!"
A body of a random guard is missing when you start the level.
The swastikas are now crosses.
95% of the levels are redesigned due to the fact that most rooms are swastika-shaped.
The dogs are mutant rats in the SNES version.
Staatsmeister/Heinrich doesn't have his famous toothbrush stash or the swastika on the armband.
No blood
Adolfo isn't called Adolf Hitler, instead Staatsmeister or Heinrich.
The game doesn't feature 3 bosses, Gretel Grosse, Otto Giftmacher, and the General to be exact (Note: Giftmacher means Poisonmaker xD).
The enemies scream "Ooh!" instead of the German sayings (which I unfortunately cant recite now, if somebody know, pls write it in the comments).
The maximum amount of ammo which can be carried is 299 in the SNES, but only 99 in the PC version.
Hans G.'s level is completely different.
The exit doors and the back are completely different when looked upon.
2 guns available in the SNES version aren't available in the PC version.
The Ubermutant isn't in the original at all.
When the main character is shot, his HUD-image is looking at the direction he was shot at (I think). This isn't featured in the PC version.When you use a weapon, the weapon's picture is not featured at all on the status bar.
The word AMMO has been replaced by SHOT in the far right hand corner of the screen.
The machine gun and chaingun look completely different and sound different.
There aren't any pictures of Heinrich or Staatsmeister with a open-mouth in the SNES version.
There aren't any cages on the wall.
You cant drink water in the SNES version, nor blood or bones as items.
The word "Item" in the HUD isn't available in the PC version.
There were pots in the PC version, but they aren't featured in the SNES version.
While starting off the level, there is a small ammo box in the left corner which can't be found in the PC version.
The large ammo boxes found in secret rooms aren't available in the PC version.
B.J's eyes don't look forward like in the PC version, instead left or right
No skeletons on the wall
The game contains some relevance to the storyline of SOD (Spears Of Destiny) because it features the Ubermutat and Trans Grosse.
Hans G. is featured in his own level and in a secret level (in the PC version I think its his ghost or clone or whatever)
After you defeat Staatsmeister or Heinrich (Adolf in the original), the game ends. In the PC version you still have 3 missions left.
The HUD-images when the main character B.J gets 40% health or less is different
The blood on the wall is censored.
Some sound effects are different.

These are only some of the differences, but I think I named the most important ones.


Worst Wolfenstein 3D port I ever saw, but it still is a very important game and one of the first FPS-shooters on the SNES.

Sunday, May 31, 2009



School and work are so hard...I will continue my blog NOW , promised....

1. In the next weeks I will review classic games such as....:

Super Metroid
The Legend Of Zelda series
Super Mario World
Super Mario RPG
Secret Of Mana
Gradius III
Star Fox,
TMNT Turtles In Time

2. ...but also newer games such as....:

De Blob
Mario Kart Wii
Super Smash Bros Brawl

3. ....previews for new games....
4. ....things you really didn't want to know....
5. ....interesting Top 10s.....
6. .....newest infos.....
7. ...themed months, this month the SNES......
8. ...a "Top 200 Best Games Evah!" list...
9. ....brand new series for example:

  • A Retrospective At Life
  • Senseless Ranting
  • The Long Way Up To Awesomeness
  • The Elite Of Gaming
  • Bad Suckas

And much, much more!

So stay tuned at GAMESFURK!

Sunday, March 22, 2009


Hello, I am back. School is extremely hard...I haven`t been posting for months...but I`m back..better than ever.