Monday, March 24, 2008

Worst Games Of All Time : Episode VI : Shaq Fu

Hi,if you would like to read more about games that can mentally let you commit suicide then look at these other neat and fine articles (reviews) about the worst video games of all time.

Link To :
====> Episode I : E.T. The Extra Terrestrial <====
Episode II : Superman 64 <====
====> Episode III : Pac-Man For Atari 2600 <====
====> Episode IV : Bad Street Brawler <====
====> Episode V : Dr.Jekyll And Mr. Hyde <====
====> Episode VI : Shaq Fu (Your reading it, bub)<====
....Now it´s time to review.....

Shaq Fu

Shaq Fu was one hell of a game . Before I start cursing about this game , let me take a deep breath . OK , let´s do it .......
Shaq Fu was made by EA in the year 1994 (That poor year) and released on the SNES , Genesis , Game Boy , Game Gear and Amiga . Man , if the SNES/Genesis version sucks , why did they make it on the Amiga and the handheld consoles ? This game just sucks sucking suckers .

As you can see , Shaq Fu is "Crap-Level 2" which is a rare status .

First of all , why in the name of freakin´ retardos did they use Shaq O´Neal ? Isn´t his rap career humiliating enough ? I mean that Shaq plays basketball and he´s not the choosen one that has to save kids . He´s just a popular fat no-brain basketball player !! Second of all , this is a fighting game . It´s so freakin´ hard , so crappy , it´s just a piece of donkey feces .

Just because Street Fighter and Mortal Kombat were good games , doesn´t mean that the whole fighting genre is good ! The whole genre is 95 % Street Fighter Clone , while the other 5% are good games . You can guess 3 times : Is Shaq Fu a good game ? There are just so many fighting games because of $$$ .

Shaq Fu is the worst fighting-game ever . Shaqs career is comin´ to a end . His biggest mistake was : Shaq Fu . It was his first and final fighting game . And his second biggest mistake : His rap career . This game brings all bad things about fighting-games and brings it in one.
I could leave this section blank because of one reason : When was the last time you saw something good about Shaq Fu ? There was no last time .....

1 : There was a complete lack of timing when maneuvering .You press *Kick* and it happens circa 1.5 seconds later . *Kick* isn´t the only one , even *Jump* reacts 2 seconds later .

2: This game has the clumsiest controls ever in the fighting genre .

3: You can only choose Shaq Fu . Note : Shaq fights like a 2-year old girl . He can´t even block . Can his enemies block ? Yes , they can .

4. This game has a two-player mode . Can you imagine playing this game with a friend ?

5. Aside from jumping, projectile attacks conflict with the in-game lagging. Once you execute the command (if you can, that is), the lag and lack of combat animation kicks in, and whoever you’re playing against can see it coming a mile away. Like I said before, it will come to a point where you’ll cut it out of your overall repertoire, assuming your patience allows you to make it to that point

6. Shaq can´t darn block at the right time . Timing is not available !

7. This game has three stupid modes to play , each of them suck harder than the other . And which one sucks the most ? Well , I would say : Story Mode . Why ? Because you can only choose O´Neal . That hurts .

For one or two-player combat, there is the duel mode. Players can select their character and adjust a handicap
(There is enough in 0% handicap , trust me ) in two-player battle, and in single-player, you simply climb oh-so-short ladder of characters. For a party, there’s the tournament mode for up to eight players, but who in their right mind would like to play this piece of dog poo ?

Music , Sound , Graphics

I have to say : weak . It´s actually a category were this game doesn´t suck .

Uniqueness , Fun , Replay Value

Like almost all bad games , this one is unique alright . In crappyness
Fun : No Comment
Replay Value : If there even were a category called *Play Value* , I would live it blank .

Last Word:

Crap , this game landed in the *poor* New Mexico Desert , right of E.T.

Rating :

Sound : 0/10.0 ( The lowest rating possible is : -10.0 )
Music : -1 / 10.0
Graphics : 5.0 /10.0
Gameplay : -3.0 / 10.0
Uniqueness 6.0/10.0
Replay Value -10.0/10.0
Fun : -9.0/ 10.0

Overall : -6.0

Sunday, March 23, 2008

Worst Games Of All Time : Episode V : Dr.Jekyll And Mr. Hyde

Hi,if you would like to read more about games that can mentally let you commit suicide then look at these other neat and fine articles (reviews) about the worst video games of all time.

Link To :
====> Episode I : E.T. The Extra Terrestrial <====
Episode II : Superman 64 <====
====> Episode III : Pac-Man For Atari 2600 <====
====> Episode IV : Bad Street Brawler <====
====> Episode V : Dr.Jekyll And Mr. Hyde ( Your reading it,bub) <====
====> Episode VI : Shaq Fu <====
....Now it´s time to review.....

Dr Jekyll And Mr. Hyde

Warning : This game sucks so hard . Please : If you are easily scared by dumbness , go buy a hamburger at your local shoe store . WE REMEMBERED YOU . THERE IS NO COMING BACK (Except the "One Page Back Button " , but we don`t want that , do we ? )

Today we`ll talk about the game Dr. Jekyll And Mr. Hyde , which is a NES game "LOOSELY" based on the novel (Please,read the word "LOOSELY") . It was supposed to be a action-game , but they just screwed up. It´s based on a very successful Scottish lawyer novel . You can make a good game out of that, a mediocre game out of that, or a weak game out of that . They made none of it . They made one of the worst games EVER . Damn , they really were high on something . I`m just freakin` traumatized because of the crapyness of this so called "game" . I would call it "Disgrace For Mankind " or even " One Of The Biggest Mistakes Of Humanity " . This game is good on what it wants . And it really wants to suck hardcore . This game could make you have hydrophobia , diarrhea , flatulence or even .... butt inflammation . Still not scared ? Well , I warned you.......

This crap features six levels ( I think you would not make it past the first level . And if you do , then you´ve just wasted valuable time of your life . Of course only if you have one ) . The Japanese-Version contains the levels : City , Park , Alley , Town , Cemetery , Street . But in the NA version the levels are : Town, Cemetery , Town
( very creative using one level two times) , Park , Cemetery (they used town and cemetery each two times ! ) and last but not least the Street .

Probably the most unique enemy in the game, the grave digger has the ability to throw three piles of dirt in multiple directions with one swift motion. Wow , the Japanese did 4 levels just for that . Once upon a time , two scientists blindfolded a retarded ninja girl and told her to write the story , gameplay elements , and compose songs . These were used in Dr. Jekyll And Mr. Hyde . Renegade Captain Crunch Berries attack Mr. Hyde. , sudden lighting hits Mr. Hyde , retardos hit Mr. Hyde , hell even Hulk Hogan hits Mr. Hyde !!!!

Bad Street Brawler was bad , but if you compare it with this game , it´s GOD . I know ya kinda played abysmal or mediocre,weak and solid games . But this game brings CRAP to a whole new level . Or even to a whole new dimension , or even to a whole new generation . Believe me , you will understand me if you play the game .
The music is weak , the graphic is under-average , but the gameplay is so bad , you would enjoy gettin´ beat by giant Mecha-Bulls who are on steroids more than this . Pac-Man 2600 was expected to be a good game . But it just disappointed young gamers . Dr. Jekyll And Mr, Hyde is one of these games where there is (surprisingly) no disappointment .This game will haunt you for the rest of your life !! I´m traumatized´s just unexplainable .There are at least a billion , no a googolplex ( 100 zeros ) things that can be replaced or left out of Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hyde......This freakin´ game is BAD , just a shame to the NES . The Nintendo Entertainment System didn´t deserve this kind of "crap" . I can´t find a word how I can describe this game to under-13 Year Olds . That´s why I´m not cursing,darning, or even swearing to hard . This game is freakin´ horrible !!! The whole game makes no freakin´ sense !!! What were they thinkin ´ !!! I seriously can´t believe how bad this stupid game is !!!

I don´t want to make screenshots of this dumb, crap, silly, stupid game ! I don´t want to open it ever again ! I don´t want to even look at the damn butt-ugly box . EVER . Now I´m fuming mad , so let´s talk about the enemies.

As Dr. Jekyll, you are attacked by "normal" bastards. The assortment of bad guys is bizarre, ridiculous and completely obscure : Bees come out of nowhere and hover in random patterns, crows fly overhead and try to drop excrement onto you, purple colored men (Yeah,that color is cool , especially for Men ) walk slowly in your direction and drop bombs that have unpredictable blast radius , spiders fall from trees , little crazy kids shoot slingshots, ladies charge at you, and gravediggers throw dirt in your direction. I still don't know why everybody hates you so much, everything that happens in this game is pointless. It's not like you are smothered with honey, so why are the bees chasing you? I won't even begin to imagine why fat women want to run you over.Or do I ?
When you turn into Mr. Hyde, the enemies get even more disturbing. The Jackalope from "America's Funniest Home Videos" and the Little Mermaid especially want to see you dead . They´re routine head hunters. Crazy dead zombie women attack you, little winged devils blow bubbles in your direction, and spore creatures explode mid air causing harmful little red balls to go in multiple directions.

You know, just like in the original book .
I´m still thinkin´ how I should destroy this donkey-manure . Please write your suggestions in "Comments" . Because of this review I will actually give a Minus Rating .I bought this game for 1 $ (I payed with Euro ) and after that I asked myself : Damn , why did I waste so much money on this !?

Now first of all , if ya start the game : Who are these weirdos who try to constantly kill you ? Dr. Jekyll walks mega-slow , it´s like a 1000-times Slo-Mo . First of all your cane does not work . They give you a freakin´ cane to kill these bastards , but it does not do anything just to tease you . It´s like if none of your weapons or items work ! Imagine a good game were your weapons don´t .....NO,THERE IS NO GOOD GAME WERE YOUR WEAPONS OR ITEMS DON´T WORK .....After the second screen you´d be probably dead and fight with Mr.Hyde .But then,at a random moment , lightning hits you . WHAT THE.. ? .

Good games like Super Mario Galaxy tempt you try again and work harder . But Dr. Jekyll And Mr. Hide just is bad . Do you want to play a game where you´ve done everything perfect and then suddenly out of nowhere lightning hits you with no explanation ? No, I don´t think so. And after that the screen shows a boring : "Game Over " with black background . WHAT IN THE NAME OF MANKIND'S CRAP WAS THAT ?!!!! Now, you have read this review , I think this horrible thing should satisfy your curiosity .

Now , if you´re curious enough to play it , do me a favor and just don´t ! I´m a hardcore Nintendo-Fan and you can´t get any harder than my hardcore . Please , I know what´s good and what´s bad . Don´t even buy it for a penny or stuff, cause I regret it .Don´t even download it on a emulator or stuff . I wish I could go build a time machine and go to the time when they "developed" this manure and tell em : Don´t do it , this thing is bad . If you do , I kill you ! You´d rather drink gasoline then play this game . Don´t think I´m joking , a´ight !! I´m not kidding. I´m freakin´ serious .
This anathema sucks ..

Ranting : Graphics : -2.0 Out of (-10.0 Is The Lowest Rating,while10.0 is the highest)
Sound : -5.0
Music : -7.0
Gameplay : -10.0
Fun : -10.0
Uniqueness : + 5.0 (This Game Is Unique....In Crapyness !!!)
OVERALL : - 10 Worst Rating Possible