Thursday, November 06, 2008

Magnavox Odyssey Test


As most of you know, the Magnavox Odyssey was the first video game console. It predated Atari`s Pong home console by a few years. The Magnavox was designed by a Jewish-German man named Ralph Baer. The first prototype of the Magnavox Odyssey was called the "brown-box" and is now at the Smithsonian Institution´s National Museum of American History in Washington DC.


A few years after the brown-box, Baer gets a deal with Magnavox. The American affiliated firm of Philips bring it with hesitance on the market. The idea of a home video game console was too risky for Magnavox, so the commercialization was cautious and rather calm. Only Magnavox-retails sold the 100$ system, therefore leading many customers to think that the Odyssey was only compatible with Magnavox televisions.

The Magnavox Odyssey was released in May 1972. Although a couple pre-production units were distributed in May for demonstration purposes, the production started later in September. Nationwide advertising of this system on television and radio resulted in a real success: over 130,000 Odyssey and over 20,000 rifle packs were sold in 1972. More might have been sold if some of Magnavox’ adverting had not confused TV viewers into believing that the Odyssey system would only work with a Magnavox TV. Perhaps this was done by Magnavox to increase the sales of their own name-brand TV sets, but persistent rumors to this effect confused potential customers and did not help sales. Another 200,000+ Odyssey and 50,000+ rifle packs sold between 1973 and 1975, bringing the total to 330,000+ Odyssey and 80,000+ rifle packs sold.


Here is a list of released games for the Magnavox Odyssey:

  • Analogic
  • Baseball
  • Basketball
  • Brain Wave
  • Cat & Mouse
  • Dogfight
  • Football
  • Fun Zoo
  • Handball
  • Haunted House
  • Hockey
  • Invasion
  • Interplanetary Voyage
  • Percepts
  • Prehistoric Safari
  • Roulette
  • Shooting Gallery
  • Shootout
  • Simon Says
  • Ski
  • Soccer
  • States
  • Submarine
  • Table Tennis
  • Tennis
  • Volleyball
  • Win
  • Wipeout

The Odyssey didn't have a CPU nor did it have memory. Only forty transistors were included.

Magnavox first scented real success in the same year the Odyssey was released. After Atari sold Pong arcade-booths, but Magnavox disabused Atari because they had the patent on Pong. Magnavox succeeded to tell the court that Baer originally designed Pong (Tennis), but was stolen afterwords by Atari. Atari was sentenced for 700k $ , but they still made very big business with Pong.



The Magnavox Odyssey was released May 1972. .The advertisement and the promotion was a huge success: approximately 130,000 Odyssey and over 20,000 rifle packs were sold only in the year 1972. More might have been sold, if the advertisement wouldn't be so poor. Many consumer thought the system only worked on Magnavox televisions. For that reason, most later "Pong" games had an explanation on their box saying "Works on any television set, black and white or color".


To be continued...






Saturday, September 06, 2008

Sorry

School is pretty stressed-up for me, because the schools in my region are one of the hardest on the world, and I`m pretty busy with a new language. I will be back on 11th October, 2007.

Friday, August 29, 2008

Metroid Prime 3: Corruption Review





The Final Showdown! -- Charge into the prime outer space battle of your life !!

Facts:

  • Three difficulties
  • "Medallion-Feature" via Nintendo Wi-Fi Connection
  • Cinematic Synchronization
  • High interactivity with the surroundings
  • 480p mode with 60 fps
  • 16:9 mode

Space - eternal widths! Six months have past since Metroid Prime 2: Echoes. A dark threat is once again agitating the universe. Dark Samus and the Space Pirates are infecting several planets with the highly toxic Phazon. The planet Norion, headquarters of the Galactic Federation, is also being attacked. Dark Samus and the Space Pirates were defeated once, but there is only one Headhunter that the whole universe can trust: Our Samus Aran, one of the biggest heroines of all time. She is ready for her hardest Prime mission. Will she defeat her foes ? Or will she be crushed by her evil doppelganger ? Last Round, last chance, last hope, last fight. Metroid Prime goes in its final round: Corruption.



Metroid Prime 3 has a new twist to it, but it still keeps its charm and has a Metroid typical atmosphere to it. You still move Samus through mazes and mostly still alone. You can say that it is a polished version of Metroid Prime 1, if not better. It has better graphics, visuals, music, sound, and controls. Now to the story: The attack of the Space Pirates comes when you at least expect it. In a short cut-scene, a monumental laser-beam rips a ship of the Galactic Federation into a bunch of pieces. The G.F.S. Olympus from Admiral Dane is also under attack. Immediately the pirates board the ship. A good chance to try the brilliant "pointer" controls. You can set up the wished sensibility in the options menu and there you go. The rumble may begin. The "Advanced"-mode guaranties a fast movement of the field of vision and optimizes your reaction speed. Without long fuss, you can easily control the innovative Wii-Mote in no time. Even in the most paced battles you will not lose the overview. Just that makes the game to what it is: A masterpiece.

Similair to Metroid Prime Hunters for the Nintendo Dual Screen, you cruise with your spaceship from planet to planet. This so called "planet-hopping" was one of the main critical points of the NDS version. In MP3:C you are underway to three different planets: As previously mentioned, you first defend the headquarters of the Galactic Federation located in Norion. A giant phazon-like meteoroid abruptly appears in the orbit of the planet, straightly heading for Norion. You move through the station and meet three other Bounty-Hunter. Together you try to reactivate a gigantic cannon, pulverize the meteor and contracept the impaction on Norion.
Bryyo is your second destination, which already is infected with Phazon. You follow the hunter Rundas, and find the origin of the phazon infestion. At the end of the level, a suprising story-twist happens. The third "attraction" is Skytown, Elysia. It doesn`t matter if Norion, Bryyo, or Elsia: The story (and gameplay) was perfectly cut into the surroundings of the planets. On each planet; you solve tons of mysteries and complete very different missions.



The classic beams from the Metroid-series are called ice- and wavebeam. In Metroid Prime 3, the two classic beams were not included, but you can find the brand new Ice-Missiles. Narrow places can be mastered (like already familiarized) with the morphball.

Positive:
- Gigantic Bossfights
- Nearly perfect First-Person-Shooter controls
- High percentage on riddles and puzzles
- Really genial level design
- Constant 60 frames pro second
- Good mix of a First-Person Shooter and adventure
- Hyper-mode turned out suprisingly well
- Epic music
- Loading times were cleverly solved: Some doors open later. A lot of video game magazines critisized this, but most core-gamers say this solution is the best. Would you like to wait three seconds more at a door and prepare for the next battle, and eavesdrop to the wonderfully made music or wait at a classicaly boring loading bar ? I would prefer first mentioned
- a long game


Negative points:

- It takes long to find a save-point.
- no Multiplayer or Co-Op mode
- Some passages are really frustrating


Metroid Prime 3 is one of the MUST-HAVE games for the Wii. If the above mentioned negative points don`t bother you, then buy it !!!


Friday, August 22, 2008

Sam and Max Season One (Wii) Preview

(Note: If you`re in a hurry, just read chapter 1.2-1.5)

1.0 Facts
1.1 Exorbitant Intro
1.2 Comeback after 16 years
1.3 Easier puzzles
1.4 What changed ?
1.5 Last word

1.0 Sam & Max Season One Facts:

Genre: Adventure
Publisher: JoWooD Production
Developer : Telltale Games
Players: 1
Release Dates :

: Aug, 26th 2008

: Aug, 29th 2008

  • Was released 2006/2007 for Windows PC
  • Includes six episodes; each one takes approximately two hours to solve
  • Simple controlling via Wii Remote
  • Relaxing jazz soundtrack

Web: www.samandmax-seasonone.com




Exorbitant Intro

Who comes to attempt a daring, spectacular and groundbreaking rescue ? Who comes to restore equity, justice, fairness and righteousness ? Who helps altruistic, when fellow citizens are in inconceivable perils ? Two animals...two friends...two legends..two members of the Freelance Police will not even lightly stir their pinkie for the townsmen in extremity, their successors in emergencies, and the women in destitution. Unless, the self seeking hare and a egoistic hound are pertained and affected from the nasty doings, presentiments and dark deeds fulfilled by diabolic criminals , sick rascals, psychotic villains and sinister evildoers......

Or when they can just shoot every single quantum of matter out of them. Well, anyways...adventure veterans and comic-book freaks know this wild duo since a few decades. Sam, "the six foot tall anthropomorphic dog" and Max, the lagomorpha- "a hyperkinetic rabbity thing". Enough talk, Sam & Max Hit The Road was released 1993 for the PC. Notwithstanding, it should be the only Sam & Max game, but because of the wacky story and the rare use of such unique black, painful humor, it was a big success and had a large fan community.

Comeback after 13 years

On the November of 2006, after 13 years, Sam & Max remigrated to the PC-- a adventure game in a episodic format. Every few weeks, a new adventure was released for a bargain buy. The Wii version will include all six episodes. Our anti-hero cops will face on manipulated lives, brain washing and the assassination of a president. Of course, Sam & Max are already on the job, trying to solve the case...but before that, the two cops need their telephone. But their telefon was stolen by a fat, greasy rat. It wants Swiss Cheese as the ransom. I am not going to tell you the answer, but it is, to say it in a fair way, somehow "different".

Easier puzzles

To wrap it all up, you will get a classic adventure-feeling just like in the good old early days. But the most important element will get a new twist: The solution of the assignments. The 1993 game Sam & Max Hit The Road had many tricky solutions that were just absurd and complicated. Nowadays, the challenges should by far logically . The dialogs between the odd friends will make sure that the game will still keep its charm, that it be pretty audacious and saucily, blatant and starkly.

What changed ?

I could play a preview-version of it, and found almost no changes to the PC version. Sure, the graphics are not good as the PC version. But at least you can play it from the couch or whatever. First you meet you a few teenie stars, that obviously are brainwashed. Noticeable is the amount of talking. It is almost like a interactive sitcom. In another episode, you actually are in a talk show

Last word

Overall, good synchro, nice humor and six episodes to solve. Adventure fans should annotate the release date. I am happy that this is released for the PC. I will buy this one, because I suspect a bargain buy. Then nothing stands against dirty cop work.
I give it 4 guns out of five.

.

Thursday, August 21, 2008

GC 2008 Leipzig: Sony Recap

The Leipzig Games Convention 2008 has started. It`s not as important as the E3 for hardcore-Nintendo junkies, but I still have some news for you.


  • Playstation 3 (160 GB)

First, let us begin with the humongous, black, and costly rapacious beast that Sony created. Why, Sony, why....additionally to the 80 GB version that will be released this Friday (Europe), Sony announces a 160 GB version.

Sony reports that it will possibly will be available October. It will cost about 740 $. Every single cent will not be worth it. Poor pennys. Sony also announced an Downloadclient. What the hell that should be? Don`t ask me. Ask your PS3, you stupid §%$$%"!% Sony Fanboy !!


  • PSP 3000

Sony announced, that the new version of the handheld will have a "larger amount of colors and contrasts", that should allow "lower and vivaciously colors". A less reflecting display should ease the playing under the wide roof winding. The PSP-3000 also includes a better LCD screen, a built-in microphone, and interlaced-scan compatibility for video-out.The PSP with the model-number 3000 will be available on the 15th October worldwide for estimated 199 €, 395 $ or 32000 Japanese Yen.










Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Pipe-Mania DS Preview

Another retro-remake -- but do we really feel the tube obsession ?

Well, most of my fellow readers should start floating in nostalgic dreams and childhood memories when they hear the title Pipe Mania, a Commodore 64 classic. This puzzle game will be remade for the Nintendo DS. The gameplay is quite simple for our modern standards: You have to place several pipes in a certain manner. If you manage to connect the pipes to the drainage before you run out of time and lose, you can continue with the next level. Of course the game will have a new twist. Extra items and a few new events, many unlockables and new modes like "Puzzle", "Surival" will make this game a solid variety to other puzzle games.

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Olympia: A gold-medal winner also trained with the Nintendo Wii

Kosuke Kitajima, the gold-medal winner of the discipline 100 meter breaststroke, played
Mario & Sonic at the Olympic Games as a preparation. After the question, what his secret was, Kosuke nonchalantly answered : " Mario does breaststroke swimming ! The perfect mental training !!"

First Screenshot of Super Metroid HD !


Here is the first screenshot of Super Metroid HD !! After researching a small amount of time, I found out that this is a fake. Well, it would be nice to have this game.

Wednesday, August 06, 2008

Gamesfurk`s E3 2008: GTA: Chinatown Wars Update

Here is the old post
New facts:

Note: All information is not officially approved.
  • More than 20 hours of gameplay
  • More than 70 missions
  • Cooperative playing via Wi-Fi possible
  • Four multiplayer games
  • Multiplayer Online Racing mode
  • Minigames, such as sniping
Of course, Gamesfurk will continue to update for you.

Tuesday, August 05, 2008

Too many Casual-Games ! Hardcore-Gamers are outraged

Most of the hardcore Nintendo fans are disappointed from Nintendo`s new formula- making games everyone can play easily. I might sound dumb, but only hardcore gamers might understand me. Well, just read on to know what I mean, because I don`t want a such long intro..... You could buy yourself a yo-yo and have more fun....if you`re a hardcore gamer. What does the industry say to this "casual boom"?


How did it come to this? Can Nintendo turn the casual-truck in hardcore-paradise ? What`s a casual truck ? I don`t really know. What happened with "quality",with "wit", with "oh my god, what the hell?!"-moments ? Let me tell you how it was back in the Nintendo 64 era with reviewing video games :

As we reviewers decided which games we review and which we push under the blanket, we just needed to take a look at release dates. Back then there wasn`t any big assortment of releases - de facto every new release was worth a preview, because every game was a potential hit.

Well, that changed over the years: Everyday the postman drags a bunch of Wii and DS-games into the editorial department or whatever. Games that don`t really bring our "gamer-heart" into a surge of emotions: crude, immature, callow and half-baked mini-games for the younger audience, soulless quizzes, "come hell or high water"-programmed hopping games with butt-ugly box-art and so on. In short, we have appetite for good games on the Wii or DS.

On the following bunch of 50+ sentences ( I counted:)), Gamesfurk will show you what my readers, but also the gaming industry says to this "casual phenomenon". Here is my opinion : I like games that are accessible for everybody. What I blister on are insubstantial, little games without any tiny piece of wit, that are only produced for the fast cash now and then.

One thing: Edutainment. I hate that genre. It is nice to learn things, for example Brain Age or English Training. But that is the limit. The Wii and DS features decline to a "Well, let`s use the new technology,because every game has it"-type of working. The Wii and DS now are pretty similar to a educational computer. The whole formula is nice, but the developers forgot the actual goal: good video games that make fun. Take a look in the past: The only edutainment Nintendo games I know were Donkey Jr. Math and a Mario game where you learn to type.

I am showing the red card to following bad habits of the gaming industry:

Opening doors via Wii-Mote

In some games like Agatha Christie: And Then There Were None you open the door as if your Wii Remote is a doorknob. That works bad, but is also pretty stupid after 3 hours of playing the game. Metroid Prime 3: Corruption solved this problem, so why can`t the casual industry do it ?

Not even a twist of challenge

I know a few games that are really hard. Super Metriod, Ninja Gaiden, Cybernoid,
and almost every arcade game I have played over the years. But I also know a few games that you can literally play from not even thinking. Or puzzles that can be nearly solved by there selfs! Nancy Drew and the Deadly Secret of Olde World Park is one of these games. The difficulty of the game is so low, that there isn`t even one challenge in the game, let alone a part where you have to think.

Minigames without any substance

No one had a problem with the stone mini-game in Ocarina of Time. The slides in Super Mario 64 was a excellent diversion from jumping on goombas and kicking King Bowser Koopa`s virtual butt to save the princess. It was only a tiny, fun element in a humongous game. But at present, humongous games around the mini-games are vanished, disappeared and mostly forgotten. I have nothing against mini-games, but they must be good. A good mini-game collection: Warioware. A bad one: Game Party from Midway.

Game Over after five hours

Really a bulky, big, comprehensive, enormous, extensive, heavyset, large, wide-ranging and lengthy game: Iron Man for the Wii. You can`t never finish this game. Star Trek: Conquest is also lengthy. I have got to cry if some doesn`t know that this is meant ironic. :( Dear Publishers, please dare to make longer games !

Piece of plastic

The Rolling Rocker was the stupidest accessory ever. Only a piece of plastic. After twenty years, the same crap happens again : Why do I need a plastic wheel ? Why do I need a synthetic billard queue or a plastic tennis racket for my Wii-Mote ? Does make more fun? No. Controllers are still the best.

Well, some readers think we are only cosseted:

"Hello. Are you guys dumb? We have got Alone in the Dark, Okami, The World Ends With You, Secret Files: Tunguska, Final Fantasy IV, Final Fantasy: Crystal Chronicals: My Life as a King, Super Smash Bros. Brawl, Mario Kart Wii, Bully, Apollo Justice, Sonic Chronicles, Ninja Gaiden Dragon Sword, Boom Blox, Lego Indiana Jones, Fire Emblem, Deadly Creatures, De Blob, Star Wars:The Force Unleashed, Fire Emlem DS, Lego Batman, Dragon Quest IX, Viva Pinata 2, Pikmin 3, Wario Land Wii, Wii Sports Resort, GTA: Chinatown Wars, Animal Crossing: City Folk and so on ! Cool off !

Now let`s go to the opinion of the industry !!

Note: I collected best of clipping form tons of interviews and bunched them into five.


Here clippings of interview put together from 2K people:

"2K is going to be on the hot seats of Nintendo in near future. These titles will approach to diverse audiences, but I don`t want to classify gamers strict into "casual" or "core", because I personally don`t want to get labeled like that. Fans of strategic games will love Civilization Revolution for DS, while sport enthusiastic gamers will play games like Top Spin, Don King presents Prizefighter, or NHL2K."

Same here with SEGA:

"Sega thanks hardcore gamers, because of them, Sega has its successes. What we do is a mix:Dinosaur King, or games like Sonic Chronicles".

Well, that is enough. Bye.





Monday, August 04, 2008

Wii MotionPlus Question & Answer

After I researched a while in the far.away nirvana called "Internet", I found some interesting news and facts about the near-future Nintendo homeconsole peripheral named Wii MotionPlus. If you don`t know what it is, read this post.

Here we go answering a few questions :
[Your dumb if you need to read following parenthesis(Q=Question,A=Answer)]

Q: How long will this attachment be?
A: Estimated 1.6 inches.

Q: How the hell do you attach the classic controller or the nunchuk to a Wii-Remote with MotionPlus ?
A: Damn, you`re cranky, Mr. Question-Taker. Well, it will have a pass-through extension...port.


Q: Do I have to buy Wii Sports Resort? If yes, how much will it cost ?
A: You can buy it with the Wii Sports Resort, but I would expect it also separate available. Just think how blockheaded it would be to play Wii Sports Resort alone. Not to mention buy Wii Sports Resort two times......I`m not sure how much MotionPlus will cost separate from the Wii Sports Bundle, but the bundle itself will cost 50 $ (Estimated 50€ in Europe).

Q: Can you plug it in a Wii Zapper, which would be useful for shooting more accurate in upcoming games like Call of Duty: World at War ?
A: It would be simple-minded to ask a stupid question like that. "There aren`t dumb questions, only dumb answers. Except by people a lá Britney Spears, Miley Cyrus or Adam Sandler..."-a citation by a paparazzi interview I saw on CNN. Back to topic: I never tried the Wii Zapper out. I don`t want to waste my money on an accessory that only mediocre games support. I would wait until CoD: World at War comes out and read a review on a site called Gamesfurk. That sentence was crap. Really crap.Back to the question, I don`t think so. I trust Nintendo. but maybe the Wii Zapper isn`t accurate after all. If only someone would comment this post and would particularize his experiences with the Wii Zapper....

Q: When will MotionPlus come out?
A: Spring 2009.

Q: I am highly skeptical. Will this piece of plastic be something fun, or will it be just a piece of plastic like the Wii Wheel ?
A: Figur out,only casual gamers use the Wii Wheel....Wii MotionPlus is produced in collaboration with AiLive. AiLive produced this tool for gaming developers working with MotionPlus. It is named LiveMove 2. Watch and enjoy



PS: I wrote following text in this article:

[...]Do you still remember the times, were you thought Red Steel would transfer your movements 1:1?[...]

Well, guess what: Red Steel 2 is one of the first games that will support Wii MotionPlus. What a fortuitousness.

Sunday, August 03, 2008

Gamesfurks E3 2008: THE BUMMER SHOW?

Where was Mario? Where was Link? Disappointed faces after the Nintendo press conference. But: There is still hope for core-gamers.


What? It`s already over? As Cammie Dunaway, Vice President for Sales and Marketing at Nintendo of America, said farewell to the E3 conference participants, the fans in the international communities were completely broken ´: No Mario, no Zelda, no Star-Fox, no F-Zero. Only Pikmin 3. What the hell happened ?

It was kind of predicted that there will be no Hardcore-games. But hey: There is still hope. Hope that we core-gamers are going to be noticed. Hope, we can believe in......sorry. That catch-phrase was awful. But I`m still happy. Nintendo said that they will prefer to show casual games like Wii Play, Wii Fit, Mario Kart DS or Dr. Kawashima.The good thing: Nintendo didn`t forget us. Stuff like Wii MotionPlus is also interesting for the producers of core-games.

Imagine a Zelda game with 1:1 sword movements. How awesome would that be?! Do you still remember the times, were you thought Red Steel would transfer your movements 1:1? Technically, it wasn`t possible back then. Back then. Sounds like Red Steel is 3..4 years old. Back then is too harsh. To be exact, it wasn`t possible until now.

Somehow weird, but smart: The Wii MotionPlus thing was announced two hours before the start of the Xbox360-E3-conference. I think it was a strategy against the motion Controller of Microsoft, which was and hopefully is just a rumor. If not, Nintendo has a problem. MotionPlus is available with Wii Sports Resort, which will cost estimated 50$. Europeans will have a similar price.

One more question : Why didn`t the Wii offer that since the launch? A 1:1 movement would be awesome and Nintendo would be richer. But I think this is better like this, because they would have rushed it if it would available at the launch. Smart wise-cracks observed something: The accessory is too big for the safety jacket. I expect a new jacket included in Wii Sports Resort. Another negative aspect: The batteries will live shorter with this.

It`s nice to here that not every publisher forgot us hardcore-gamers. Interesting: The product portfolio of Electronic Arts. The giant continues successful and profitable game names like Need for Speed and creates new series like Boogie ( a second installment was already announced earlier this year). Example: The 2009 versions of FIFA, Madden NFL,Tiger Woods PGA Tour, and NBA Live will have a addition in there titles: All-Play.

"WTF does that mean?", you might ask yourself. Well, let us say that Core-gamer get the used action-packed game, but casual-gamers can just play without pressing through oh so long menus and options. Will it effect the market ? I don`t know. But it is not a bad start.

Otherwise, games like MySims or Boogies now have their own games: Boogie SuperStar, and MySims Kingdom. Ubisoft does the same with Prince of Persia and Nintendo with Toon Link : They don`t experiment on new games and possible game series, but instead work on spin-offs of successful game and on the game itself. What is the meaning of this strategy ?The answer,my friend is MONEY

But there are also developers that hate casual-games just like us. For example, High Voltage Games. They`re busy with the programming of the shooter The Conduit-but because of exclusive deals, nobody can show the pictures before High Voltage Games finds a publisher. Even I can`t :(

The Conduit will be playable online with 16-players, will use the VoiceChat "WiiSpeak" (Available with the new Animal Crossing, probably also available by its self too) and have awesome graphics. The developers are really crazy with the details: They work fastidious, fussy, persnickety,squeamish and precise. But not every publisher likeser this: A publish (no name included in the news article) asked the High Voltage Games team: Who will buy this? Which audience likes this?


I will claim the boycott of that anonymous publisher. What were they thinking ?! Hello ?! There are real gamers out there, that are sick of Barbies trying to catch wild ponies,rip-offs, quizzes, bad mini-games, music simulations and other crap that I can buy in supermarket discounters (not kidding) fpr 20-30$ !! OK, just because a game is cheap doesn`t mean it`s bad. For example Resident Evil 4 Wii Edition or Sam & Max: Season One (I will do a preview). Brain Age was interesting, I must admit, but every other casual game that even an elder can finish in 2 hours just is stupid.

"Yes, we`re making it!", said Shigeru Miyamoto. He meant the game Pikmin 3. To be true, I never played Pikmin 1 or 2...but it has a huge fan community. Let`s see if the new audience will like Captain Olimar. He did suck in Super Smash Bros. Brawl. Another thing that Nintendo profits from: casual-gamers could like core-games and buy them. The Nintendo Wii would be a magnet of potential future gamers, because it brings the Wii closer to non-gamers. Enough said. That is only a speculation.

Well, I`m optimistic. Nintendo needs us hardcore fans because we will buy their games in good and weak times. This biz is wacky, but Nintendo did make it. There still good, and I am somehow proud of being a Nintendo fan.

Wii Salute !







Saturday, August 02, 2008

Gamesfurk`s E3 2008: More Emotion with Wii MotionPlus ?

A new official add-on promises a better motion-sensoring.


Nintendo announced the add-on "Wii MotionPlus". Thereby, this add-on is a optional attachment to your Wii-Mote. You attach it at the under-end of your Wii Remote. were you usually plug in your Nunchuck or Classic Controller. The purpose : The movements that you perform with the Wii-Mote shall be transferred preciser to your sensor-bar. The accessory will be available with the Wii Sports successor, Wii Sports Resort (I will write a preview on that,too)


My opinion :


Wow. Nintendo is actually hearing to us and responding. Well, we are one step closer to a 1:1 motion-transfer. Will it be good, or just another piece of plastic ? I don`t know at the moment, but as the loading site at Digg says : Patience is a virtue, my friend.

Gamesfurk`s E3 : Experts Talking II : Grand Theft Auto for the DS!

Like I already said: Nintendo didn`t show a new hoped-for Mario- or Zelda-game, but instead "Big-N" showed us the Logo of Grand Theft Auto: Chinatown Wars . Sam Houser, Founder of Rockstar Games said : "Chinatown Wars offers a rich,fast an intensive GTA experience, that is going to be unique on Nintendo`s handheld console." Another fact: It isn`t going to be located in Liberty City or San Andreas, but has a new location (Probably a chinese-themed district or city). It is also going to be played online.

E3 2008 : Gamesfurk is on the job !!

First of all : I live in Germany, so guess where I will go too ! Yes, that is right ! The Leipzig Games Convention. I will also report on that event.

E3 was a disappointment for Core-Gamers like me. But, hey ! Nintendo said that they won`t announce hardcore-games on E3, so I kind of expected something like this. But overall, it wasn`t as bad as I first thought. With titles like Animal Crossing: City Folk,Castlevania, Wario Land Wii, Wii Sports Resort, Dragon Quest IV, Wii Music, and last but not least Grand Theft Auto: Chinatown Wars some of us are still happy. As Super Mario will always say :


Saturday, July 26, 2008

Call of Duty: World at War Wii Preview

You`re once again in WWII, but this time everything is different.


Facts :

  • Fifth installment of the "Call Of Duty"-series, excluding expansion packs
  • Much darker, graver, and duskier than its predecessor
  • The Wii version is going to be produced by Treyarch itself
  • Compatible with the Wii-Zapper
  • Also appearing for the Nintendo DS
The fourth part of the Call of Duty series was pretty unfair: The first-person-shooter was one of the best games of 2007 and of course, didn`t appear on the Wii. Well, it solaced us Wii-users a little bit that the third part was a launch title, but it was only mediocre FPS. Anyway, this doesn`t happen us this year, because the fifth part also appears on Nintendo`s home console. Call of Duty: World at War (there is not going to be a number in the title) is going to be produced by Treyarch. Back then, a external team was responsible for the Wii version of CoD 3. This time they`re going to make it by their selfs. That`s a big plus, because CoD 3 on the Wii sucked triceratops egotistical balls. Treyarch have got a big goal : revolutionizing the FPS-genre and making the best World War II shooter ever made to this point of mankind.

A short clipping from an interview with Treyarch.

What can you tell us about the Wii-version ?


The Wii version is going to be made by Treyarch itself, just like the PC-,PS3-, and XBOX360-version. We`re not going to hire a external team in China for CoD 3 Wii like last time, we`re going to make it on every single platform by ourself. CoD 4 for the DS was a solid thing, and we worked hard to make it better. We`re going have a WiFi-multiplayer modus for 4 players, online statistics, an d a bunch of alternation.



Old War, New Enemy

What ? WWII again ? Yes, but the producers are thinking that there are enough stories to tell about this global conflict. This time it`s the Pacific war in an US-soldier viewpoint. You will also be able to play a soviet soldier on his way to Berlin. The new story will have nothing to do with the typical, stereotypical "hurra-patriotism". Instead, the player should feel how the limits of hero and villain can blur and which radical situations the soldiers had to experience.

Fire them up, fools!

Your enemy is not going react like in other FPSs. Your main enemy, the Japanese, have got a lot of guerilla tactics to show you. Your enemies climb up palms, hide in grass or in tunnels, make themselfs look dead like opossums, or trepan you into dead ends. You will never feel your self safe. But you got one new destructive weapon : the flamethrower. Just try to burn these people up !!

Let us hope that Treyarch makes something good.


Expected Articles In August


In my country, the summer break is in the month August. But don`t worry: I`m staying home. I`ve got extra much time to work on Gamesfurk. Here goes nothing ...


The great preview-offensive :


Prince Of Persia : The Fallen King
Ghostbusters : The Video Game
Sam & Max: Season One



Soon, we will shoot the crap out of virtual soldiers once again on the Wii and Nintendo DS. Call Of Duty: World at War











And a couple of reviews :

Super Smash Bros. Brawl
Alone In The Dark

The next month will be cool. So long !



Saturday, July 19, 2008

Worst Games Of All Time : Episode VII : Friday The 13th


Hi. This is the seventh part of the series "Worst Games Of All Time". If you like it, you can read the other six parts !!

Link To :
====> Episode I : E.T. The Extra Terrestrial <====
====>
Episode II : Superman 64 <==== ====> Episode III : Pac-Man For Atari 2600 <==== ====> Episode IV : Bad Street Brawler <==== ====> Episode V : Dr.Jekyll And Mr. Hyde <==== ====> Episode VI : Shaq Fu <==== ====> Episode VII : Friday The 13th (You`re reading it, genius) <==== Now, let`s begin !!

Friday The 13th


WARNING :
Italicized text uses ironic, sarcastic, and black humor. It also uses minimal profanity. Following text is not recommended for children under 13.


Well, Friday the 13th on the NES. At the start screen, you can see a knife flying directly into the eyes of Jason`s mask. That should indicate a very good and action-packed game. True, oh so true. This game is a synonym of the word "great". Everyone loves it. It`s so superb, that I`m reviewing it`s excellence. Outstanding. I can`t find a word to describe it. Everybody loves this game, because it`s the flaw of complete awe. The concept is just brilliant : Making a video-game based on a crappy R-rated slasher movie for kids. Just cool.

There are six camp bastards you can play as. It doesn`t matter if they are black, white or yellow. It doesn`t even matter if they existed in the movie. That`s what I call terrific. Nobody cares because it`s a good game. You go around the camp throwing rocks. Yeah, rocks are fatal. You throw rocks at zombies... and other stuff. The rocks just fly in an arc over the enemy. Peace keepers would love this.You run around trying to find fire-places to light. Just cool.

What more could you ask for ? Thus, every great game has a map screen. This concept works outstanding in sidescrollers, because you know in which direction you`re going. Yeah, cause there is a left and a right direction. If you`re walking left, you`re walking right on the map and vice versa. Why make things easy, if you can make it overcomplicated ? That gives the little twist of challenge for hardcore gamers.
But..but that`s just cool. It makes it more challenging. I love figuring out the basic logic made complicated in an 8-bit video game. I love it. It is just great.. That was the ironic,satirical and sarcastic part. Now the facts are coming.

This is just crap. Crap. Crap. It was produced by the crappiest gaming company ever. Ljn

Donkey licking
Foul-mouthed jade producing
Nutcrackers.

LJN. The bastards who produced Roger Rabbit, Nightmare on Elm Street and this garbage.This is a "son of a bull-balls sucking bastard weirdo"-kind of game !!


I love this game. The rocks that fly an arc over your enemies are so useful. Upgrading to an knife is not mandatory. The knife hurts and destroys the enemy. And we don`t want that, do we? We only use biological and natural weapons made by Motha Nature. After a while, a really awesome and expensive produced peeping sound comes. That is the "Jason-Alarm". When you hear it, you have to go to the map screen. A giant red dot indicates where you are. A gigantic white dot indicates the area where Jason is killin` little puny brats, a.k.a "Camp Councler(s)". I think the red dot is supposed to be a human, and the white one is supposed to be a cabin. But that doesn`t matter. The game is unique it is very own way. So creative, so masterful. Just cool.


Now let`s go left to the cabin where Jason is. I guess I should go left. So I went left, because the cabin was on the left side of the map screen. Guess what ? I`ve walked to the right because I walked left ingame !! That is completely scientific,logical and self explanatory. So there I am, "following the yellow brick road" on the way to the cabin. But that`s O.K because this game kicks George W. Bush`s butt !! So, now I know that I have to go right because it`s on the left side of the screen. Now I``m walking in the right direction. The bare basics of right/left do not apply. That gives the game the right twist. And that`s why this game is so great !! Logic is for pussys... and unlogical actions/reactions rule the video games !!

Finally, I`m in the cabin. Right away, a strange man is saying : "Thank you". He thanks you for walking in the cabin before getting killed by Jason. Wow, I wonder what the strange man will say in hell to the camp councler. The strange man only has a head, but no face. This game must have a high budget. Jason is somewhere in this humongous cabin. This must be the biggest camping cabin ever. He`s coming. He`s coming. Damn, there was a sudden sound the made me crap in my slip.

Now I`m fighting Jason like in "Mike Tyson`s Punch-Out !". Jason sure looks scary in that purple T-shirt. So scary. I defeated him, but he`ll be back, just like in the movie. Even after they counted the fourth installment "The Final Chapter", it had seven moviea after that, not counting the remake of the first movie that is going to be produced in 2009. So for now, I`m walking around triying to find fire-places that I should light up. Isn`t this fun ? The cabin is 2.5d. The controls are really fluent.

This game is a major suckage.

Well, what should we say ? I``m walking around, looking for fire-places and answering the Jason-Alaem once in a while. Once you change the camp-councler, you get the o-so good rock. That accomplished a lot. The day and night transitions are smooth, not like in other games a lá "Castlevania II : Simon`s Quest". It`s is a big improvent over Simons Quest (Note of the author : This sentence is true). Jason comes out once in a while to scare the crap out of you Even Jason`s mom makes an appearance.

Once all of your people are dead, a very entertaining black screen shows up, with following context :

YOU AND YOUR FRIENDS
ARE DEAD.

GAME OVER.


Not ironic text : What, ya serious ? "Dead" ? Nobody dies in a Nintendo game, they`re "destroyed" or "defeated" !! That`s ingenious. That`s the best Game-Over screen I ever saw. I`m serious. The last seven sentences were serious. Dead serious. Dead freakin` serious. That`s fantastic. You and your friends are dead. Game Over. Don`t you share the same opion ? That is the best screen ever, not including the " Your are dead " screen in Resident Evil 4. If there is a sequel of this craptastic game it would have to say :

YOU`RE FREAKING DEAD.
YOU`RE FIENDS ARE DEAD.
YOU`RE FRIENDS ARE DEAD.
YOU`RE SISTER DIED ON CRACK.
YOU`RE PETS ARE BEING IMPALED ALIVE
BY A HORDE OF CRAZY WORLD OF WARCRAFT
ALLIANCE MEMBERS.
YOU`RE MOM IS BEING SKINNED ALIVE.
YOU`RE DAD IS FLUSHED DOWN THE TOILET.
GAME OVER.

PS : THIS GAME IS HORRIBLE !!!






Friday, July 11, 2008

SSBB : Best Character ?

Well, we all know that Super Smash Bros. Brawl is a unique game, but who is the best character ?


These are the best :

Meta Knight
Captain Falcon
Kirby
Lucas
Ness
R.O.B.
Fox
Falco
Mr. Game and Watch


And , of course, the worst :

Olimar
Peach

What do you think ? Please comment!!

Sunday, June 22, 2008

Top 10 Best Game Intros Part One

Hello !!

I will tell you about the best game intros !!

It is first thing you see : The intro. Some intros really suck, but some are just really awesome !


Number 10 :

Resident Evil Outbreak :





Well if the game was as good as the intro, I would have bought it !!

Number 9:

Conker: Live and Reloaded



Well, you knew what is coming. If you didn´t, get the hell out, you casual gamer !! The intro of Conker: Live and Reloaded was just one of the best. Even the first 20 seconds are brilliant. Black humor and a "cute" squirrel, that doesn´t look so cute when you see him puke....


To be continued....

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Mario Kart Wii

The kart cult will live on !!


Ask a Nintendo fan-boy about his favorite racing game. In nine out of ten cases, a Nintendo fan would say : *Mario Kart Wii !!* Now we get to see the awesome Wii-version !!


April 11 : Mario Kart Wii was released in Europe. I went to the local electronics store. I got one of the last copies before it was sold out. Played it. Loved it. A superb online-mode, a spectacular multiplayer mode, and lots of unlockables....


Pros (Latin for good) :
  • Huge number of courses, including some of the most imaginative yet
  • Deeply integrated online play
  • Easy to jump into for players of any skill level
  • Fun and strategic trick system
  • Motorcycles provide a great alternative to go-karts.
Contras (Latin for bad) :

  • Nostalgia doesn't save most of the classic courses from being boring
  • Items are more unbalanced than ever, especially on new tracks
  • Battle modes are now exclusively team-based and timed.

One may wonder why Nintendo would add motorcycles and dirt bikes to the game series that popularized, if not invented, the genre of weapons-based go-kart racing. If you're one of the fans who balked at the inclusion of two-wheeled vehicles, a midair stunt system, and motion controls, rest assured that despite these changes, Mario Kart Wii is still very much the game that you have come to love over the years. But even if you haven't been on the receiving end of a blue shell before, the extensive multiplayer options, deeply integrated online functionality, multitude of controller schemes available, and simple gameplay make this latest Mario Kart great fun and quite possibly the most accessible one ever.

The main event of Mario Kart is the Grand Prix mode, which in you must play in order to unlock some characters, karts and more. There is the 50cc, the 100cc and the 150cc mode. You can also unlock the *Mirror Cup* , where all tracks and signs are mirrored. This is very fun, because you aren´t used to it. But this one broke the Mario Kart tradition : You can only play the Grand Prix mode solo (rather than multi-player) !!

16 new, and 16 retro tracks are available. The combination of both new and nostalgic retro levels makes Mario Kart the cremé de la cremé in track choosing. One of the major new features is the midair stunt system, which is activated by flicking the Wii Remote at the very moment you leave the ground from a ramp-assisted jump, making your racer perform an extreme-sports-style trick, such as a 360-degree spin, which upon landing rewards you with a considerable speed boost. To facilitate this new mechanic, most new tracks include huge half-pipes, rampant ramps, a multitude of moguls, and a plethora of pits, all of which are deliberately placed to encourage extensive stunt work. While this new system itself isn't flawed and in fact injects a great deal of fun and new strategy into the gameplay, its influence on course design has made certain items even deadlier, as you're that much more likely to be blasted uncontrollably into lava or other hazards due to how much time you spend in the air.

Online integration is deeper than most other games on the Wii, and you can join matches of any game type with friends as well as strangers from your local region or across the world. You have a persistent score, which is either increased or decreased by your performances, and when seeking out matches you're automatically place with like-skilled opponents revealed on a representation of Earth that uses Miis to show the approximate locations of the competition. In the event that you join a game already in progress, you will automatically be placed in a spectator mode until the round finishes and it's go time. Communication between players online is still virtually nonexistent, but while the ability to smack talk is a vital element of local multiplayer, it's not necessary for facilitating matches.

The most interesting online feature of Mario Kart Wii is the Mario Kart Channel, which can either be launched from within the game or saved directly into your Wii dashboard. Using WiiConnect24, you can compare your best lap times against your friends' and the rest of the region or the world. You can also download ghost replays to see firsthand how the top players pull off their times and send your own ghosts to friends as a challenge, and if this channel has been installed in the Wii menu, you can even do all of this without having your Mario Kart disc in the system.

Mario Kart Wii features a cast of 25 characters, over half of which must be unlocked through various accomplishments in single- or multiplayer modes. The ability to race as one of your Miis is perhaps the most notable new feature, but as great as putting Chuck Norris or Dr. Gregory House behind the wheel is, some of the newcomers like Baby Daisy and Dry Bowser are underwhelming and disappointing. Unlike Mario Kart: Double Dash, characters don't have items specific to them, but they do have up to 12 personalized motorcycles and go-karts to select from to determine racing stats.

Graphically, there isn't very much of a leap between this latest Mario Kart and its predecessor on the GameCube, but there are a lot of little details that add to the experience. Crowds of onlookers are populated by your Miis, and posters or statues throughout the levels can feature them as well. Lighting is vastly improved, and there are a number of nice environmental effects. Electricity crackles around you after you've been blasted by a lightning bolt. However, there is a considerable degradation of graphical quality in split-screen multiplayer--especially with four players--and character models are unnaturally shiny.

*Which controller should I use ?*

Wii-Remote (With Wii-Wheel) ★★★/★★★★★

This controlling method is recommendable for casual gamers. So you can drift better, Nintendo built in a big button on the back side. Negative points : Professional gamers wouldn´t like the Wii Wheel. It´s to imprecise for the harder levels. 3 out of 5


Wii







The best Wii tracks are :
  • Luigi Circuit
  • Mario Circuit
  • Mushroom Gorge
  • DK Snowboard Cross
  • Wario Mine
The worst Wii tracks are :
  • Daisy Circuit
  • Moo Moo Meadows
The best Retro tracks are :
  • GCN Waluigi Stadium
  • N64 DK Jungle Parkway
  • GCN DK Mountain
The worst Retro tracks are :
  • N64 Sherbet Land



Thursday, May 15, 2008

Retro Rules ! : Episode I : TMNT TF

Hi, this is the first episode of my new series "Retro Rules!". I will show you my favorites in retro gaming. Let´s start, shall we ?


Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles : Tournament Fighters

In the late-eighty's and early-ninety's,TMNT was every where. T-Shirts, Comics, Stuffed Toys (Merchandising, freak !) !! Big N (Nickname For Nintendo) and Sega won lots of cash because of these turtles....big time with TMNT : TF. The genesis version had Ray Fillet (yummy) as a bonus character, the Super Nintendo (Super Famicom) version had War, a monstrous purple creature with big claws, one of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse as seen in the TMNT comics published by Archie comics. However he is said to be an alien in the game. And the NES (Famicom) version had Hothead, A giant dragon..thing. The Genesis (Mega Drive for all European, Brazilian, and Japanese readers) starts with some weirdos shouting *You can count on use !!* While I looked at the screen, I saw a giant bug dude. Who the hell was that ? Oh, Sil(l)yphus. No, he is called Sis(s)yphus. What a sissy. Whatever , you suck donkeys, Why couldn`t they use Chrome Dome or Be-Bop , or everybody except this bug. What can I say ?about the NES version ?

While all three versions share the same title, each game is unique to its console. A respective turtle was selected to be the cover character of each version released in NA and the PAL Region; as there were three games and four ninja turtles, Mike was the one left out for such a role.

In Nippon, whereas the Genesis version retained the North American title, the SNES version was retitled Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Mutant Warriors, disambiguating the two games. The NES version was not released in Japan (Suckers !!) .

The SNES version roked. It had sweet music, a bunch of cool characters, and really hard moves. Oh yeah, there is a green bar , too. When it is full, you can execute a signature move. If you`re lucky enough to get this one a SNES, I hate you*cry* .



Friday, April 11, 2008

Mario Kart Wii Review

Yahoo !! Finally, Mario Kart Wii is here . How many of you were a bit nervous when Nintendo announced that Mario Kart Wii would be released so soon? How many of you started thinking it might be a 'rush job' to fill a gap in the Wii release schedule? How many saw the bikes and thought "oh no, they've ruined Mario Kart"? We'll admit it: deep down, we were worried about all of the above. It turns out we should have known better .

1.0
----Introduction-----

A long story short: It's Mario Kart! It's not some warped, twisted monster that used to be Mario Kart and has now mutated into some horrible kart/bike shambles that's lost its magic. That familiar, addictive Mario Kart gameplay is still there, only now it's even better.

There are 12 playable characters when you first start the game, with a bunch of racers to unlock. We won't spoil them just now but, needless to say, a couple of the hidden characters are surprise inclusions who haven't been in a Mario Kart game before. Some characters are only known by the hardest nerds in the business ..... Example : Toadette. Like expected the weight classes are back in force, with characters split into light, medium and heavy classes. At first, each weight class has a choice of three different karts and three different bikes, but more are unlockable as you progress.

Mario Kart Wii has a new controller called the "Wii Wheel" . I don´t really like it, because it´s inaccurate and for "Casual Gamers" (yuck). But it´s the best gaming wheel on a Nintendo console, no doubt.

2.0
-------The First Touch------

The moment of truth overwhelmed me as I opened the game. While it suck completely ? How will the Wii Wheel work ? I had to find out. Like the good old tradition, I choose the 50ccm class. Here the opponents are really foolish and easy to trick out. For casual gamers : It´s the easiest class.

Monday, March 24, 2008

Worst Games Of All Time : Episode VI : Shaq Fu

Hi,if you would like to read more about games that can mentally let you commit suicide then look at these other neat and fine articles (reviews) about the worst video games of all time.

Link To :
====> Episode I : E.T. The Extra Terrestrial <====
====>
Episode II : Superman 64 <====
====> Episode III : Pac-Man For Atari 2600 <====
====> Episode IV : Bad Street Brawler <====
====> Episode V : Dr.Jekyll And Mr. Hyde <====
====> Episode VI : Shaq Fu (Your reading it, bub)<====
....Now it´s time to review.....

Shaq Fu

Shaq Fu was one hell of a game . Before I start cursing about this game , let me take a deep breath . OK , let´s do it .......
Shaq Fu was made by EA in the year 1994 (That poor year) and released on the SNES , Genesis , Game Boy , Game Gear and Amiga . Man , if the SNES/Genesis version sucks , why did they make it on the Amiga and the handheld consoles ? This game just sucks sucking suckers .

As you can see , Shaq Fu is "Crap-Level 2" which is a rare status .

First of all , why in the name of freakin´ retardos did they use Shaq O´Neal ? Isn´t his rap career humiliating enough ? I mean that Shaq plays basketball and he´s not the choosen one that has to save kids . He´s just a popular fat no-brain basketball player !! Second of all , this is a fighting game . It´s so freakin´ hard , so crappy , it´s just a piece of donkey feces .

Just because Street Fighter and Mortal Kombat were good games , doesn´t mean that the whole fighting genre is good ! The whole genre is 95 % Street Fighter Clone , while the other 5% are good games . You can guess 3 times : Is Shaq Fu a good game ? There are just so many fighting games because of $$$ .

Shaq Fu is the worst fighting-game ever . Shaqs career is comin´ to a end . His biggest mistake was : Shaq Fu . It was his first and final fighting game . And his second biggest mistake : His rap career . This game brings all bad things about fighting-games and brings it in one.
Gameplay
I could leave this section blank because of one reason : When was the last time you saw something good about Shaq Fu ? There was no last time .....

1 : There was a complete lack of timing when maneuvering .You press *Kick* and it happens circa 1.5 seconds later . *Kick* isn´t the only one , even *Jump* reacts 2 seconds later .

2: This game has the clumsiest controls ever in the fighting genre .

3: You can only choose Shaq Fu . Note : Shaq fights like a 2-year old girl . He can´t even block . Can his enemies block ? Yes , they can .

4. This game has a two-player mode . Can you imagine playing this game with a friend ?


5. Aside from jumping, projectile attacks conflict with the in-game lagging. Once you execute the command (if you can, that is), the lag and lack of combat animation kicks in, and whoever you’re playing against can see it coming a mile away. Like I said before, it will come to a point where you’ll cut it out of your overall repertoire, assuming your patience allows you to make it to that point

6. Shaq can´t darn block at the right time . Timing is not available !

7. This game has three stupid modes to play , each of them suck harder than the other . And which one sucks the most ? Well , I would say : Story Mode . Why ? Because you can only choose O´Neal . That hurts .

For one or two-player combat, there is the duel mode. Players can select their character and adjust a handicap
(There is enough in 0% handicap , trust me ) in two-player battle, and in single-player, you simply climb oh-so-short ladder of characters. For a party, there’s the tournament mode for up to eight players, but who in their right mind would like to play this piece of dog poo ?

Music , Sound , Graphics

I have to say : weak . It´s actually a category were this game doesn´t suck .

Uniqueness , Fun , Replay Value

Like almost all bad games , this one is unique alright . In crappyness
Fun : No Comment
Replay Value : If there even were a category called *Play Value* , I would live it blank .

Last Word:

Crap , this game landed in the *poor* New Mexico Desert , right of E.T.

Rating :

Sound : 0/10.0 ( The lowest rating possible is : -10.0 )
Music : -1 / 10.0
Graphics : 5.0 /10.0
Gameplay : -3.0 / 10.0
Uniqueness 6.0/10.0
Replay Value -10.0/10.0
Fun : -9.0/ 10.0

Overall : -6.0









Sunday, March 23, 2008

Worst Games Of All Time : Episode V : Dr.Jekyll And Mr. Hyde

Hi,if you would like to read more about games that can mentally let you commit suicide then look at these other neat and fine articles (reviews) about the worst video games of all time.

Link To :
====> Episode I : E.T. The Extra Terrestrial <====
====>
Episode II : Superman 64 <====
====> Episode III : Pac-Man For Atari 2600 <====
====> Episode IV : Bad Street Brawler <====
====> Episode V : Dr.Jekyll And Mr. Hyde ( Your reading it,bub) <====
====> Episode VI : Shaq Fu <====
....Now it´s time to review.....

Dr Jekyll And Mr. Hyde

Warning : This game sucks so hard . Please : If you are easily scared by dumbness , go buy a hamburger at your local shoe store . WE REMEMBERED YOU . THERE IS NO COMING BACK (Except the "One Page Back Button " , but we don`t want that , do we ? )

Today we`ll talk about the game Dr. Jekyll And Mr. Hyde , which is a NES game "LOOSELY" based on the novel (Please,read the word "LOOSELY") . It was supposed to be a action-game , but they just screwed up. It´s based on a very successful Scottish lawyer novel . You can make a good game out of that, a mediocre game out of that, or a weak game out of that . They made none of it . They made one of the worst games EVER . Damn , they really were high on something . I`m just freakin` traumatized because of the crapyness of this so called "game" . I would call it "Disgrace For Mankind " or even " One Of The Biggest Mistakes Of Humanity " . This game is good on what it wants . And it really wants to suck hardcore . This game could make you have hydrophobia , diarrhea , flatulence or even .... butt inflammation . Still not scared ? Well , I warned you.......

This crap features six levels ( I think you would not make it past the first level . And if you do , then you´ve just wasted valuable time of your life . Of course only if you have one ) . The Japanese-Version contains the levels : City , Park , Alley , Town , Cemetery , Street . But in the NA version the levels are : Town, Cemetery , Town
( very creative using one level two times) , Park , Cemetery (they used town and cemetery each two times ! ) and last but not least the Street .

Probably the most unique enemy in the game, the grave digger has the ability to throw three piles of dirt in multiple directions with one swift motion. Wow , the Japanese did 4 levels just for that . Once upon a time , two scientists blindfolded a retarded ninja girl and told her to write the story , gameplay elements , and compose songs . These were used in Dr. Jekyll And Mr. Hyde . Renegade Captain Crunch Berries attack Mr. Hyde. , sudden lighting hits Mr. Hyde , retardos hit Mr. Hyde , hell even Hulk Hogan hits Mr. Hyde !!!!

Bad Street Brawler was bad , but if you compare it with this game , it´s GOD . I know ya kinda played abysmal or mediocre,weak and solid games . But this game brings CRAP to a whole new level . Or even to a whole new dimension , or even to a whole new generation . Believe me , you will understand me if you play the game .
The music is weak , the graphic is under-average , but the gameplay is so bad , you would enjoy gettin´ beat by giant Mecha-Bulls who are on steroids more than this . Pac-Man 2600 was expected to be a good game . But it just disappointed young gamers . Dr. Jekyll And Mr, Hyde is one of these games where there is (surprisingly) no disappointment .This game will haunt you for the rest of your life !! I´m traumatized because....because......it´s just unexplainable .There are at least a billion , no a googolplex ( 100 zeros ) things that can be replaced or left out of Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hyde......This freakin´ game is BAD , just a shame to the NES . The Nintendo Entertainment System didn´t deserve this kind of "crap" . I can´t find a word how I can describe this game to under-13 Year Olds . That´s why I´m not cursing,darning, or even swearing to hard . This game is freakin´ horrible !!! The whole game makes no freakin´ sense !!! What were they thinkin ´ !!! I seriously can´t believe how bad this stupid game is !!!

I don´t want to make screenshots of this dumb, crap, silly, stupid game ! I don´t want to open it ever again ! I don´t want to even look at the damn butt-ugly box . EVER . Now I´m fuming mad , so let´s talk about the enemies.

As Dr. Jekyll, you are attacked by "normal" bastards. The assortment of bad guys is bizarre, ridiculous and completely obscure : Bees come out of nowhere and hover in random patterns, crows fly overhead and try to drop excrement onto you, purple colored men (Yeah,that color is cool , especially for Men ) walk slowly in your direction and drop bombs that have unpredictable blast radius , spiders fall from trees , little crazy kids shoot slingshots, ladies charge at you, and gravediggers throw dirt in your direction. I still don't know why everybody hates you so much, everything that happens in this game is pointless. It's not like you are smothered with honey, so why are the bees chasing you? I won't even begin to imagine why fat women want to run you over.Or do I ?
When you turn into Mr. Hyde, the enemies get even more disturbing. The Jackalope from "America's Funniest Home Videos" and the Little Mermaid especially want to see you dead . They´re routine head hunters. Crazy dead zombie women attack you, little winged devils blow bubbles in your direction, and spore creatures explode mid air causing harmful little red balls to go in multiple directions.

You know, just like in the original book .
I´m still thinkin´ how I should destroy this donkey-manure . Please write your suggestions in "Comments" . Because of this review I will actually give a Minus Rating .I bought this game for 1 $ (I payed with Euro ) and after that I asked myself : Damn , why did I waste so much money on this !?

Now first of all , if ya start the game : Who are these weirdos who try to constantly kill you ? Dr. Jekyll walks mega-slow , it´s like a 1000-times Slo-Mo . First of all your cane does not work . They give you a freakin´ cane to kill these bastards , but it does not do anything just to tease you . It´s like if none of your weapons or items work ! Imagine a good game were your weapons don´t .....NO,THERE IS NO GOOD GAME WERE YOUR WEAPONS OR ITEMS DON´T WORK .....After the second screen you´d be probably dead and fight with Mr.Hyde .But then,at a random moment , lightning hits you . WHAT THE.. ? .

Good games like Super Mario Galaxy tempt you try again and work harder . But Dr. Jekyll And Mr. Hide just is bad . Do you want to play a game where you´ve done everything perfect and then suddenly out of nowhere lightning hits you with no explanation ? No, I don´t think so. And after that the screen shows a boring : "Game Over " with black background . WHAT IN THE NAME OF MANKIND'S CRAP WAS THAT ?!!!! Now, you have read this review , I think this horrible thing should satisfy your curiosity .

Now , if you´re curious enough to play it , do me a favor and just don´t ! I´m a hardcore Nintendo-Fan and you can´t get any harder than my hardcore . Please , I know what´s good and what´s bad . Don´t even buy it for a penny or stuff, cause I regret it .Don´t even download it on a emulator or stuff . I wish I could go build a time machine and go to the time when they "developed" this manure and tell em : Don´t do it , this thing is bad . If you do , I kill you ! You´d rather drink gasoline then play this game . Don´t think I´m joking , a´ight !! I´m not kidding. I´m freakin´ serious .
This anathema sucks ..

Ranting : Graphics : -2.0 Out of (-10.0 Is The Lowest Rating,while10.0 is the highest)
Sound : -5.0
Music : -7.0
Gameplay : -10.0
Fun : -10.0
Uniqueness : + 5.0 (This Game Is Unique....In Crapyness !!!)
OVERALL : - 10 Worst Rating Possible





Saturday, March 22, 2008

Worst Games Of All Time : Episode IV : Bad Street Brawler

Hi,if you would like to read more about games that can mentally let you commit suicide then look at these other neat and fine articles (reviews) about the worst video games of all time.

Link To :
====> Episode I : E.T. The Extra Terrestrial <====
====> Episode II : Superman 64 <====
====>Episode III : Pac-Man For Atari 2600 <====

====> Episode IV : Bad Street Brawler (Your reading it ) <====
====> Episode V : Dr. Jekyll And Mr. Hyde <====
====> Episode VI : Shaq Fu <====
...... Now to the review it´s................

Bad Street Brawler

As the title tells you , this game completely sucks donkey butts . This game is bad , but I mean it in another way. I mean it in a crappy way . They mean it in a cool way . Even stupid kids who enjoy watching Zoey 101 (Yup , thats right . I know that this show still exists) on TeenNick would know that this so called ""game" (I would call it total failure made by total failures ) is bad .

Bad Street Brawler is an insanely cute beat-'em-up horizontal scroller for the NES . You play as the role of an
former punk rocker and the world's coolest martial arts vigilante ! I would call him a complete hobo who should be kicked in the balls by the best Shaolin-Monk .

Note that this game is completely controlled by the power glove . They go well together , because none of ´em work.

You must venture through the 10 levels, each of which has its own super-ridiculous moves and punches, kicking the crap out of everyone and everything you see . And right down to the banana-throwing gorillas, it's a perfect recreation of real life ghetto streets.

You actually try pretty hard to brawl your way through the streets. Your days as a punk rocker didn't do much to prepare you for a life of high action karate battles. There are girl scouts born with flippers that can punch better than DUKE DAVIS. Another muscle spasm he incorporated into his martial arts technique was falling over in a move that looked like it was hardly even trying to be a kick. The local animal control probably could have taken care of the puppy infestation on Bad Street a long time ago if they knew all they had to do was wander around in a diaper and have clumsy seizures.

The game opens with the soon-to-be-famous proverb, "Never Trouble Trouble Til Trouble Troubles You." Of course, it's pretty hypocritical since dressing up in a yellow diaper and kicking any random midget you see is just blatantly Troubling Trouble.


Worst Games Of All Time : Episode III : Pac-Man For The Atari 2600

Hi,if you would like to read more about games that can mentally let you commit suicide then look at these other neat and fine articles (reviews) about the worst video games of all time.

Link To :
====> Episode I : E.T. The Extra Terrestrial <====
====> Episode II : Superman 64 <====
====> Episode III : Pac-Man For Atari 2600 (Your reading it) <====
====> Episode IV : Bad Street Brawler <====
====> Episode V : Dr. Jekyll And Mr. Hyde <====
====> Episode VI : Shaq Fu <====
...... Now to the review it´s.................

Pac-Man (Atari 2600)

"What !? " , you might ask yourself . "Pac-Man being a bad game !!? " Pac-Man is good . No not good , but revolutionary . At least the arcade-version. But the Atari 2600 version is bad . No not
bad , but awfully terrible.This game sucks and every single cartridge should be destroyed by Pac-Man himself . Shame yourself, Atari 2600 developers . You`ve killed your freakin´ mascot ! You´ve killed the video gaming industry ! Without Nintendo ( I call them " Holy N " ) you`d be a company filled with useless developers who make useless games ! Atari SUCKS ! Hell,I would say the only good Atari game is the original arcade Pac-Man ! Now let`s go on to the actual game.....

Pac-Man 2600 was released in the year 1981 by ..... (you can guess three times) A.T.A.R.I. which actually means:

  • Awkward weirdos who should get a life.
  • Titanium cartridge suckin´ b**tar**s
  • Awkward weirdos who use the letter A two times in a word and find falling down a cliff while playing E.T and fighting versus wise ninja-girls armed with a AK-47 boring
  • Rude guys who really need to go to a mental hospital , because their video games suck so hard , even the makers of Bible Adventures could almost laugh them out (ironically,almost)
  • Interesting games which can cause severe diarrhea
The poor port is blamed on the A.T.A.R.I. marketing department's rush to bring the game to the market. They asked the developers to take drugs , so that the quality of the game could significantly rise . After that they asked the developers to ruin their company with there own mascot. This game and E.T. probably caused the video game crash of 1983. This huge mess just destroyed (Note:This word is to "not offensive and/or cool " . I would rather use "eliminate" or "neutralize" ) customer loyalty to A.T.A.R.I. and the whole freakin` awesome video game industry !!

The ghosts were blue,pink,red and orange (as far as I can remember) . But in this port the ghosts have got blinkers which blink blue,red,pink and orange lights respectively . It really maked you hypnotized and the flicker also induced seizures , because the ghosts tried so hard and believed in them selfs . They try to let you die and end in a grave.The eyes of the ghosts on the 2600 port spin constantly, while the eyes of the monster in the arcade game indicate their direction of movement.

There also are stupid ghosts (who just randomly go through the maze) , fast ghosts (as the name indicates,
fast) and last and least, smart ghosts who trie to find the fastest way to you .

Rating: Dude/Dudet , I recommend you send your copies of the game back to Atari (or whats left of the freakin company) and play the arcade version . Otherwise , if you don`t a bunch of goverment guys will come and try to place you in a hospital where dangerous stupidos live .

I give this black sheep a ......

0.1/10.0 (The .1 is for Pac-Man . Pac-Man , if you read this please remember that you have to reach for the rainbows and please,please, I´m beggin` ya , don`t kill a console. )

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